I spent yesterday morning at the Emergency Department with my 80 year old father. Unfortunately, his visit's to the Emergency Departments are happening more frequently than anyone would like, especially him. This time it is related to sciatica, which he has been experiencing for about three months. However over the past week or two it has steadily got worse to the point where he can hardly walk and finds the only way he can get some relief is to sit or lie down. For anyone who knows my father, being still is not something he does very well except when he is asleep.
We struck it lucky at the Emergency Department and went straight in. He was poked, prodded and asked "tell me when it hurts" while I twist you in a pretzel. The verdict came back for a man of my father's age and with his medical conditions, basically there are no interventions to improve his situation other than pain management. Meaning medication and physiotherapy. My father accepted this and was grateful to have the clarity of knowing the reality of his situation, but the impact of this reality and how it will play out in the life of my parents is a different matter.
The medication he was prescribed is the "may cause drowsiness, do not operate machinery or drive a vehicle" kind. Which equates to no driving, which means a whole lot change. It is not only the not driving, it also my father making a psychological shift of what he can or can't do now that he has a crook back eg. no more moving fridges. I'm not sure if that shift will come easily, if at all.
You see my parents live very full lives. They do voluntary work at our church's temple three nights a week. They enjoy the opportunity to contribute, help others and socially interact with other people. My mother is known for her baking...biscuits, cakes and pies, that she happily shares with family, friends and strangers. My father has always been the go to man when something needed fixing, moving or a helping hand. He loves the opportunity to help and serve others, it's just the way he is. Having to rearranged their life will be interesting.
It is not only my parents lives that has got me thinking about aging, in my professional life I work with older people experiencing mental illness. It seems lately we have had a spate of admissions where older people have attempted to take their lives due to simply the frustrations of aging. Health is declining, friends and spouses dying and an ability to find enjoyment in life appears to diminish with some people's health and life can be pretty lonely. It is not a pretty picture. This and my parents experiences have lead me to come to the conclusion that aging is not for sissy's!
There is nothing we can do stop aging. No cream, exercise program or gene pool will halt us aging. Often we think about aging as some event on the horizon, still far enough away not to worry to much about it, yet we are all in the midst of the process. Some are just closer to the horizon than others. We observe others around us experiencing aging. "Mabel's looking older" without realizing Mabel is saying the same thing to Ralph about us. We are a funny lot sometimes.
So what's a girl to do? Well, I think I will follow my parents example...live life to the fullest and best you can, serve others and enjoy the simple things in life. My addition is that I hope to have the courage as I become aged to allow the support and love of others into my life to make up for what I no longer can do for myself. Surprisingly, I am not afraid of death. I believe it is a transition to the next life where I will meet up with family and friends (and hopefully some of our four legged friends, the ones with the waggily tails). But until then, I hope I'm not a sissy and embrace the journey!
